Sometimes there is only the present moment, because you have suddenly awakened from the dream you were living to find that the world hidden by your slumber is one you have never known.
It is at the deepest moments of despair and introspection that a man might look at himself and suddenly realize that he is nothing. A paradigm shift occurs, leaving each of the principles and values that he holds tumbling away, like air leaving an airlock until ego and pride are replaced by absolute vacuum. The years of striving to become someone, the repeated instances of failure culminating in a single success, the multitudes of paths chosen over paths rebuffed, they are all rendered meaningless, foolish. He is like a man who has dedicated his life to the building of a great ship, only to realize on its christening day that there are no oceans left anywhere. The man wonders desperately about how it could be that he believed in oceans, and grows angry that there are in fact, no oceans.
At this moment, a man is brought low, low, down to his knees. He sees with a vision so clear that it is painful, so honest that there can be no hope. Those previous practices that he used to comfort himself -- women, alcohol, escapes -- they do nothing but amplify the sense of urgent danger. Time moves inexorably forward while his mind races in circles, making no progress. He knows only the feeling of doom at the approach of an unknowable horror that is terrible because he is simply unable to release his pride. Truly, to acknowledge having nothing is the same as having nothing, but to deny having nothing is to cling desperately at having something. From here a man can only become who he is or die.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Surely
When we feel alone, perhaps this is because we have allowed "everybody" to consist of a few or even one person.
When we feel fear, perhaps this is because we just aren't satisfied with not knowing.
When we feel stress, perhaps this is because we don't understand that we are able to endure.
When we feel judged, perhaps this is because we judge.
When we feel selfish, perhaps this is because we don't know that our possessions don't really belong to us.
When we feel embarrassment, perhaps this is because we do not want to see ourselves for what we truly are.
When we feel peer pressure, perhaps this is because we cannot accept ourselves for what we truly are, nor can we accept others for what they truly are.
When we feel dissatisfaction, perhaps this is because we never realize that that next goal we are chasing will never be enough.
When we feel anxious, perhaps this is because we have equated our very survival to the meeting of a trivial condition.
When we feel desperate, perhaps this is because we have forgotten that the sun will rise again tomorrow regardless of whether or not we reach our insignificant goals.
When we feel ambivalence, perhaps we just don't believe that not taking a step forward is taking a step backward.
When we feel longing, perhaps this is because we have placed our hearts into somebody else, and our souls just want them back.
When we feel distracted, perhaps this is because our sights are set on something or someone that simply is too good to be true -- and isn't true.
When we feel frustration, perhaps this is because we feel entitled to more than the short end of the stick.
When we feel anger, perhaps this is because we don't remember that we, too, crawled before we walked.
When we feel proud, perhaps this is because we won't see that even as we walk, others yet jog, and even others still sprint.
When we feel hate, perhaps this is because we are not reminded of the love we have received.
When we feel weakness, perhaps this is because we are weak.
When we feel joy, surely this is because we know Jesus.
When we feel fear, perhaps this is because we just aren't satisfied with not knowing.
When we feel stress, perhaps this is because we don't understand that we are able to endure.
When we feel judged, perhaps this is because we judge.
When we feel selfish, perhaps this is because we don't know that our possessions don't really belong to us.
When we feel embarrassment, perhaps this is because we do not want to see ourselves for what we truly are.
When we feel peer pressure, perhaps this is because we cannot accept ourselves for what we truly are, nor can we accept others for what they truly are.
When we feel dissatisfaction, perhaps this is because we never realize that that next goal we are chasing will never be enough.
When we feel anxious, perhaps this is because we have equated our very survival to the meeting of a trivial condition.
When we feel desperate, perhaps this is because we have forgotten that the sun will rise again tomorrow regardless of whether or not we reach our insignificant goals.
When we feel ambivalence, perhaps we just don't believe that not taking a step forward is taking a step backward.
When we feel longing, perhaps this is because we have placed our hearts into somebody else, and our souls just want them back.
When we feel distracted, perhaps this is because our sights are set on something or someone that simply is too good to be true -- and isn't true.
When we feel frustration, perhaps this is because we feel entitled to more than the short end of the stick.
When we feel anger, perhaps this is because we don't remember that we, too, crawled before we walked.
When we feel proud, perhaps this is because we won't see that even as we walk, others yet jog, and even others still sprint.
When we feel hate, perhaps this is because we are not reminded of the love we have received.
When we feel weakness, perhaps this is because we are weak.
When we feel joy, surely this is because we know Jesus.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
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