Ode to Ideas Not Written

Here's to the poem about baseball's first base,
itself a long metaphor about go-to friends.
There would have been a stanza dedicated
to only having to touch it to be safe,
and another about wanting to go home.

Here's to a discussion on my love of cooking:
maybe a bit or two about correctly cooking onions and pork,
but mostly about the love of simmering sauces and mixing flavors.
There is probably also an invitation to come eat my food,
and maybe a warning, too.

Here's to the cryptic message written to an unrequited love,
talking about shouts not heard (metaphorically),
pigeons and doves, cats and dogs,
being far away and close at heart,
and a blurb about boomerangs.

Here's to a philosophical discussion on the importance of reviews and public opinion of movies,
a statistical study of my opinions versus the critics',
where I declare myself the winner.
This one might one day be written.

Here's to a vague idea I had while driving home one day.
I got really excited while getting out of the car,
and forgot it while getting out my keys.
This actually happens every day.

Here's to yet another failed discussion on whether or not music is a stronger medium than prose,
written in iambic pentameter,
just to confuse the ones who look for irony.
Perhaps they'll come today and read this line.

Finally, here's to the empty "New Post" page that is opened and interrupted,
the thought failing to manifest itself from my mind to my keyboard,
and later the page is closed, leaving me with the sense of loss of a miscarriage.
Either that or I'm laughing at the funny picture you sent me.

Saying What You Mean, Doing What You Want

A lot of times, I am shown things (videos, articles, songs, etc.) that are meant to be good, or funny, or interesting, and my only response is dislike or apathy. There are occasionally instances where I am shown something that I really do enjoy, but this is rare.

The problem, however, is in my reaction. I do not speak honestly often enough; I instead often waffle and give a neutral response. In situations where I am not very familiar with the other person, I sometimes give a false positive. This disgusts me. I'm not sure why I am compelled to respond in such a manner. Perhaps this behavior is a deeply ingrained reaction.

Do you do this? I suppose this might even be a normal activity. I think I will attempt to not do this at all from now on. If I do not like something, I will say simply that I do not like it. I am interested in seeing what kind of response I get.

A Dream Deferred

I started painting today. I know that you've told me not to do so on several occasions, but I can't stop myself. Before I even understand what has happened, my hands have already splashed colors and shades against the paper. I know you will be sorely disappointed that I have created this drawing. I myself knew that eventually I would again paint, despite my reservations. One who is born to create such things cannot be drawn away from it.

These paintings take time. Each day I add a bit, change a stroke. This is my art, and I am entitled to undo any part of it whenever I choose, though I suppose this may not be reflected in the final work. I have never thought of this before, but you will only see what ultimately remains, while I will see the entire process stored within.

Today I added some scenery. I'm not sure exactly where the idea for the backdrop came from, but I really love it. I hope that you will, also. Admittedly, I am beginning to feel as if the creative process would benefit from your input. It is difficult at these times to understand who exactly this painting is for. My inspiration is external, yet inspiration is in its very nature an internal phenomenon.

I am ready to show you what I have, since the first stage is essentially completed. I need your help with the rest.

I am starting to remember why I hate painting so much. My paintings are special, though many do not understand that. Perhaps this is because they are special to myself only. What I see in the creation that I have wrought is not a shared vision. This is the way of art, I suppose, that the vision that I possess within, though manifested faithfully in the work, cannot be understood by any save myself. This is doubly painful now, since I had only one audience in mind even before I began painting, and yet you admit that you are only able to appreciate the technical aspect of the work.

I know that you told me to quit, and that I agreed completely, but the canvas is still there in my studio lying against the wall. I’m not sure what I should do with it. What happens to a dream deferred?

Maybe I'm just not a very good painter.

I haven't been doing any art recently. I know you only said to cancel that one painting, but ever since I took it off the easel, I haven't found the desire to put anything else up there. I know, my career is at jeopardy if I continue like this. An artist's life is in his work. I guess the real question is, what happens to an artist who cannot continue his work? Should he change his career? What if his art is the only way he knows? What happens to a dream deferred?


---

(in an unrelated note)

He is risen.

I Miss Writing

(At 12 AM)
Stacy: mmm yea i'm just gonna chill for another 15 minutes
it's not due until 4 pm tmrw
me: lolllll
i know that feeling
at 6am you start feeling a lot more urgency
at 10am you feel dire urgency
Stacy: hahahaha
me: and at 1pm, you're either gonna finish or you're not
meanwhile your eyes feel like they have peanut butter in them
and your feet are tingling every time you stand up
and you run your fingers through your hair
and it feels like crabgrass

I wish I could write stuff like this all the time, but there's no inspiration most of the time.

Thinking Questions 6

Fate comes to your doorstep and offers you an additional 30 years to your lifespan. Fate promises they will be wonderful and in good health. The catch is, one additional person will die this year in a fatal car accident. You will not know who this person is out of all the people who do die this year in a fatal car accident. (Do you accept?) You accept.

Later you learn that about 1.2 million people are killed in car accidents each year worldwide. Whose death are you responsible for?

Think of one of your very close friends. Let's say this person was killed in a car accident this year. Are you responsible for that person's death?

In a different scenario, let's say that Fate comes to your doorstep and offers you the chance to save one person this year from dying in a fatal car accident. The catch is, you must give up 1 year of your lifespan. Do you accept?

Let's say you accept. Fate says that the previous offer was a lie, and you actually must give up 10 years, and that he is surely not lying this time. You believe him. Now do you accept?