Thinking and Feeling; A Conversation Between Windows

My writing recently has only been various strange thoughts and pondering, as opposed to thick, fluffy and deep content. I think this is because those pieces are born out of any ephemeral longing in my heart. Those emotional pieces are emotional because of strong emotions. Seeing as how I have not been driving to write such pieces, I must conclude that I have not had many strong emotions as of late.

But perhaps this is not the end. Perhaps it is insufficient for me to simply proclaim that the main problem of our time is that people just don't think enough. Perhaps I have spent so much effort on thinking, that I have forsaken the effort for feeling.

I have relied upon so much thought to get me through. I rise out of bed not because I desire to live the day, but because I understand that I must rise before I can walk out of the room. I eat my meals not because I enjoy the food, but because my body needs various nutrients. I meet up with various friends not because I love them, but because the ties that I maintain may come back to benefit me in the future. I read the news so that I have information that might be useful. There is no feeling of curiosity, but only an understanding of utility. Though I criticize others for taking a course without consideration for its destination, I have too often aimed for a destination without considering the course. In a more general way, I have, in my attempt to avoid being senseless, fallen into another sort of senseless.

But I believe that many of us act in the same way, if only to fuel our confidence in ourselves. If we believe ourselves incapable of always knowing right, we pride ourselves in always feeling right. Admitting we are wrong ought not feel like a victory, because it is not. Some believe that they are always the best, always right, and that we label as pride. But others of us believe that they are not always the best, and not always right, and we label that as reasonable, or even humble. Even others of us believe that they are never the best, and never right, and that we label with "low self-esteem". Yet the fault here lies not in being at either extreme, but simply at believing that we can determine our own worth. The fault here lies in all of us, for determining that the value of a person is greater or less for having better athletic talent, dance moves, or math skills. Some of us feel that those who possess deeper thought are more valuable, as I am guilty of.

(I am not trying to end at that cliche of "everybody is equal, everybody is special". This is still placing a value on a person.)

--

An evening breeze ripples through my windows. I have two in my room, one which faces south, and one which faces west. They are both in the corner, as if they were two people seated awkwardly at the corner of a table for four in a restaurant. To the north is a closet filled with clothes that I never wear, and to the east is a wall. If my windows were to start a conversation right now, I think that south would begin by remarking on how nice the weather is.

Yes, west would reply, The weather has been particularly sunny, but the breeze has been excellent.

Yes, south would agree, I hope that the weather stays this way for a while.

Silence would ensue here. Luckily, the two of them do not face each other, or else they might need to look awkwardly up or down to avoid looking at one another.

South begins again with How was your day?

It was OK. I was pretty tired.

Did you get enough sleep? South pauses here, unable to determine if west is waiting to speak, or just waiting.

West speaks. I think so. I was only tired in the afternoon, after things started getting warm.

Ah. I see. Beat. So how have you been since... How have you been?

Good. Pause. Good. Pause. How about you?

Pretty good. Yea. Pause. Well, I guess I have to be going now, so I'll catch you later.

Oh yea, sure. Nice seeing you.

Yep. Good bye.

Bye.

But then again, they are stuck next to each other, always sharing a corner, so I guess it would be pretty hard for south to leave west, or for west to leave south, for better or for worse. I once thought that marriage was supposed to be this way. But then again, they are just windows, and windows do not even speak. Yet these two remain together, for better or for worse.